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Deciding Whether to Pursue Infertility Treatments
I purchased a book about infertility and read it while my husband and I accompanied our church’s collegiate group to National Collegiate Week. During this time, the conference took place in the beautiful mountains of Glorietta, New Mexico, a perfect background for prayer and self-reflection.
Side note: I haven’t included the name of the book as it is not one that I would recommend.
Despite the book not being what I expected, reading more about infertility options prompted a discussion between me and my husband. We both desperately wanted to be parents, and the natural infertility treatment route obviously wasn’t working. At the same time, neither of us felt peace about moving forward with invasive or drug-based infertility treatments. We found ourselves stuck. For several years, I knew that I wanted to adopt a child someday, but, conceiving a child had become an idol for me. Adoption was not on my mind, and my husband had the same mindset.
We ended our tearful conversation in prayer. We did not know what was going to happen next, but we did know that we were supposed to wait. Quietly, we walked out of our room and into the chapel for evening worship.
For the first time in years, I worshipped God instead of praying for a miracle. Previously, I worshipped God while also silently praying that He would grant me a child. There is nothing wrong with telling God our desires, praying for a good thing, but I was seeking this good thing more than I sought God. When my husband and I prayed in our room that night, I, for the first time, had truly laid our future in His hands. I know that I did not do so in my own strength, but that He was using this process for my sanctification.
After worship, Tony Merida stood to preach. His topic for over a thousand college students was…
…the Gospel and adoption.
The Holy Spirit pierced my heard. I cried throughout the whole sermon, but not because I was joyful that this was God’s plan for our family. I cried because I was deeply convicted. Pregnancy was an idol blinding me all along.
My husband’s story is not mine to tell, but he did not experience the same conviction. We spoke to Tony Merida at a leader’s meeting the next day, and he encouraged us to read two books Adopted for Life by Russel Moore and Orphanology: Awakening to Gospel-Centered Adoption and Orphan Care by Tony Merida. We worked through these books together over the next month. During this time, I showed my husband resources, timelines, and agencies to consider. God worked on my husband’s heart to the point that he sought out opportunities to talk about adoption.
Approximately one month after listening to the sermon, we submitted an application to Holt International’s Korea Program.
Our Adoption Story Now
I am writing this post with a baby monitor next to me, listening to my sweet son take a nap. I understand that our adoption story is not everyone’s story. Not everyone will grow their family through adoption. Many will choose infertility treatments, in fact, I later had exploratory surgery to diagnose the cause of my infertility and other complications. Others will choose to not have children.
No matter your road, I pray that you put God first. Look to Christ in all things. I pray that you see the pain I experienced emotionally and spiritually from not putting God in His rightful place, elevating motherhood as an idol. My story is far from over, as I will explain next. I pray you will continue reading and hear my heart for this blog. Click here to continue reading about my journey and to find my official welcome and mission statement.