Home » My Early Miscarriage Story and Journey to Motherhood

I'm thankful that God used my early miscarriage story to draw me to Him and lead me on a journey to motherhood that I never expected #miscarriage #miscarriageawareness #miscarriagestory #raptmotherhood

My Early Miscarriage Story and Journey to Motherhood

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Miscarriages are a devastating reality in this fallen world, yet, until very recently, it seemed that most people kept their experience a secret.  The time period during my miscarriage and subsequent struggles with infertility felt lonely and never-ending.  Although deeply personal, I feel my early miscarriage story is important to share, so, hopefully, one person might feel like they are not alone.  This story is part of a larger story in my journey to motherhood and to blogging, and, ultimately in my own sanctification.

I'm thankful that God used my early miscarriage story to draw me to Him and lead me on a journey to motherhood that I never expected #miscarriage #miscarriageawareness #miscarriagestory #raptmotherhood

 

Deciding to Grow Our Family

In the Fall of 2013, I desired an addition to our little family.

My husband was not on the same page, so I did what every good Christian wife should (not) do…Nag.  I found myself increasing upset that he was not ready, that he had excuses, that he felt it was not yet God’s timing.  Never did I ask that God’s will be done.  Never did I ask that God’s desires be mine.  No, I asked that my husband would give in to my wishes.

The next few months were very difficult for us.  I had to switch positions at my job.  This new routine left was much more emotional and demanding.  Quickly taking a toll on our marriage, all the turmoil culminated in a massive fight that only left hurt feelings.

We both spoke to mentors, privately and as a couple.  Ready for a change, our evenings were transformed and we actively started spending quality time together.  We dreamed about our future and prayed.  Together, we agreed to leave our future family in God’s hands.

April of 2014 was the first month we, “left it up to God.”  Despite stating that I trusted His sovereignty over our family, I still felt a bit of heartache when my period came.  This cycle was painful, physically and emotionally.  Fear crept in as the bleeding continued for two weeks.

Seeking Answers

I sat next to my phone for hours waiting for the doctor to call me back – praying and holding back tears.  Anxious questions such as “Is there something wrong?  Will we be able to have children?” ran through my mind.  Finally, the phone rang.

“No worries…everyone has an irregular cycle from time to time.”  The sinking pit in my stomach begged to differ, and they compassionately gave me an appointment for the next day.

My husband went with me.  We visited a birthing center, the place I envisioned delivering our first child.  The facility was beautiful, birthing rooms decorated to feel like home and windows overlooking a private pond.  Our nurse-midwife shared her faith, her trust in God through the process.  We were at peace that this was the right place to be, but I could not shake the sinking feeling that something horribly wrong was happening.

Later that afternoon, I drove to our church to help a couple decorate for their wedding.  My husband was also there helping, as he was the best man.  Mother’s day weekend and the weekend before our 2 year anniversary, this was supposed to be a time of celebration and happiness.

My phone rang.  I heard it across our church gym and knew.  I think my husband knew as well, as he followed me to a small, quiet, empty room.

“Hello?”

You’re having an early miscarriage

“Hi, Allyson.  I decided to stay late tonight to get your results.  Your beta HCG level was 46.  I’m so sorry Allyson…you’re having an early miscarriage.”

The rest of that weekend was a blur.  I immediately went to the birthing center for a Rhogam shot.  The midwife didn’t believe any antibodies had developed yet, but she wanted to be safe.  I put on a happy face at the wedding rehearsal and during the wedding the next day, hiding the pain inside.  Hiding the fact that my husband and I were trying to stay busy so we didn’t have to go home.

So we didn’t have to face reality.

Little did we know, our journey to becoming parents was far from over.  My early miscarriage story is part of a much bigger story of sanctification, redemption, and hope – trusting in God’s sovereignty.

Part 2 of my early miscarriage story and journey to motherhood can be found here.

Let’s Talk About Your Early Miscarriage Story

 

Have you ever experienced an early miscarriage?  Would you be willing to share in the comments below, especially how God drew you near to Him during this time?

Resources

Inheritance of Tears: Trusting the Lord of Life When Death Visits the Womb

My Baby’s Heart Stopped Beating

Perfect Joy Ministries

I'm thankful that God used my early miscarriage story to draw me to Him and lead me on a journey to motherhood that I never expected #miscarriage #miscarriageawareness #miscarriagestory #raptmotherhood

16 comments

  1. Keisha says:

    This is so beautiful! Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story. My husband and I also have an angel baby in heaven. God is the only one that can get anyone through such a hard time as this. I remember my miscarriage like it happened yesterday.

  2. Melissa says:

    What a tremendously difficult situation with the pain of the miscarriage and having to be “happy” at the wedding. Too many women have suffered in silence during miscarriages. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing.

    • The weekend felt like a perfect storm. The more I share though, the more I hear of other women who have experienced the same loss. It not only helps me process, but, hopefully, will help at least one other person feel that they are not alone.

  3. ” My miscarriage story is part of a much bigger story of sanctification, redemption, and hope.” As I was reading, my heart got so heavy for you and your family. I’m so glad you acknowledged this truth at the end of this post. Such beautiful words to cling to, and something I will also keep close to my heart! Losing a child is extremely difficult. Everyday we have to pick up these words, even when it’s hard to.

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